The Darkness Within

The hour falls too late for seeing now the faults of the past.
One can not rewind, go back or effect any change of the old and known...
We are supposed to look forward with a smile,
regardless the tragedy that may sit hard upon your heart..
Who cares to coddle when one needs to crumble,
They only care to share if their design is intertwined...
But can't you see by simply holding me while I shatter you reshape,
and with that instill a new hope that rekindles the dying fire of hope.

I am not the hardened shell you dance and make merry with,
I am not the simple girl with tender heart upon her sleeve.
I have combined so as not to be left behind.
For in those shadows I dare no longer dwell,
else they consume my soul in total eagerness.
I stand naked in fear from light to dark,
never knowing beginning to end and always with hate for stage burning hotly.
Why do you leave me here, uncovered and wilting in the weary world?
Can I not be forgiven?
If I sought a gift of gold from any, it would be of forgiveness and second, Peace.
Might I know them fully in my soul before the earth reclaims my simple remains.
I want to rage, I want to fight, But I wish for love, I wish for light,
Come quickly and bring back my bright, my view, my last battle of will and why.
I call you, I crave you, Silence no, I beg in thee mercy,
Leave me not here to die in your dark memory
I fight you every day in this strife
Never letting you take hold of that knife...over my heart held.
You shall not sway, shall not simper,
and so I try hard never to whimper...
I let the dance of ice begin,
Frozen in place smile of ease and lie to eye..
Take hold, make all cold..and drift.
Drift into my darkness, my heart , my fallen fellows perished without forgiveness.

Such a trifle...such simple words with extraordinary meaning,
Yet I crave them as the body crave water, as your soul seeks shelter and your heart, home. Left wanting,.....always wanting.

There's quite a bit of spitfire in you today, and it could burst out when no one expects it. If someone opens their mouth and says something you don't like, watch out! There is never a good reason for you to tolerate someone who is arrogant towards other people. You can try to be forgiving, but when someone is rude they are rude. Ignoring them is the exact same as encouraging them. Folks might be surprised at your sass, but later on they'll tell you how awesome the scene was.

What used to seem like an outrageous idea to you will suddenly seem rather reasonable today. You're evolving your position on various issues and surprising some of the people who have known you for years. You can expect someone to question you about it, but you'll have all the answers you need at your fingertips -- you can defend your positions so easily because you've thought so much about it. Being the odd one out in a crowd of like-minded thinkers will feel good.

Taurus (4/20-5/20)

It's not possible to be friends with everyone, so why even try? Today, you should stop wasting all of your energy trying to charm someone who just doesn't seem to get where you are coming from. Instead, put your energy toward the people who deserve your time -- the people who laugh at your jokes, applaud your successes, and are always there when you need them. Winning someone over might make your ego feel good for a minute or so, but it's a hollow victory.

In order to get more romance in your life, you should go back in time. Old fashioned ideas are not all keepers, but some of them are lost treasures you should try to regain. Instead of rushing into a new relationship because you're eager to get something going, opt for courtship. Take things slowly and really get to know this person. If you are in a relationship currently, integrate courtship rituals into it. Go on a date with your sweetie and pretend you just met.

A very shocking revelation won't be a surprise to you today, but it's not because you're jaded -- it's because your intuitive powers are stronger than ever. You knew it all along, and are able to take the news in stride. Your intuition will be very powerful (and very useful) to you today, so when you get a sense that someone is lying or a sense that someone finds you quite intriguing, you can assume that you are correct! Move forward based on that assumption.

Don't I always Fucking listen? BAH! BS and BOO to you too!

Be mindful that when you are communicating your feelings to others, sometimes those others aren't paying attention. It's not because what you feel isn't interesting, and it's not because they don't care how you feel. There are other people going through tough times today, and you need to be mindful of that. Acknowledge that they have issues before you go on and on about yours. Ask the questions and listen more to them. You will learn valuable insight from what they say.

Depends on who asks...lol

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Taurus Taurus (4/20-5/20)

Are you starting to feel overwhelmed? It's time to swallow your pride and ask for the help you know you need! Most people are flattered when they are asked to step in and lend a hand, and the people around you are ready and waiting to be asked. Don't think of it as burdening someone else with your problems -- think of it as flattering someone by asking for their valuable insight. It is all in how you spin it, and you have more than enough charm to spin things the right way.

http://www.43places.com/

Taurus
April 19 - May 19
Things in the love and romance department should be going pretty well for you at this time, dear Taurus. This is the time to probe deeper into your current affair with whomever it is that catches your eye. There is a greater sensitivity to your emotions today, and you may find yourself holding back a bit more than usual. An air of mystery and intrigue will surround you, drawing others towards you like a moth to a candle on a dark night.

I can't pretend to understand the workings of a mothers mind other than my own, but I can sympathize. More and more I am seeing in the news suicide murders preformed by mothers across the nation.
Is it any wonder? Is it really?
More and more our nation falls apart. Torn by all things. Greed, hunger, power, war. Who stops to listen to the little people. Who cares anymore about values and family? Neighbors and community?
We as a nation have grown fat on the machine of America. Corporations rise and fall, politicians cheat and steal. No one is exempt, everyone plays a part. The silent even. Yes I said the silent. By doing nothing we condone what is done. By not standing shoulder to shoulder together we fall further. There was a time once, when towns were families. When if your car broke down a neighbor would perhaps fix it. If you needed to go in for surgery there was someone who would watch your children. People that would lend a hand. Now where do we stand? Who knows there neighbors anymore? Who cares anymore? Families fall apart, men leave and yes even the women leave behind there own blood. As I said everyone is to blame, no one is innocent in the blood and greed that surfaces more and more.
Morals, ethics, values..so disintegrated over time. I am shamed by the legacy of what will be left to my own child. I pray with every fiber of my being I have taught her well how to care about those around you. To not worry so much about the price, but the worth of the person next to you, the worth of your own heart and soul. To care...in short, simply to care.

Mothers and fathers everyday deal with raising children. Some have help, some have none. Not a friend, not a family member to help. No one to lay your head on and cry to. No one to help share the burden of raising a child. Yes it is a gift and a precious one at that. Yet those who are parents know well just how much of a strain it is. Those who do it alone know even more. So do you wonder why when you turn around and find that a women drowns, stabs, hangs her children? In my own heart I do not believe anyone can take care of my child as well as I could. Does any other mother feel differently? So how can you leave them to the devices of a world around you and but how can you go on? When the weight crushes you so thin and you feel you have no escape who do you turn to? Who do you turn to when there is no one to ask for help. This is the problem. It is called hopelessness. When you feel there is no way out, no one to help and you have no choice. Some people perhaps are strong enough to fight through and take the punches. To keep eating whatever may be served before you, but not everyone has that strength. My nation is failing me. My government is failing me and you America, you are failing not only me but yourselves as well. Your sisters, brothers, mothers, aunts, cousins.
By doing nothing you condone what is being done. You condone the world we live in. Is this truly what you want? Is this what you seek to leave behind as your legacy? Greed and destruction and not of just the planet, but of the people who inhabit it.
Some might say what of children services? What of foster care?
I would simply ask, have you ever been through that? How many who offer that suggestion have actually lived through any of those circumstances?
Well I have. I have seen the children's hospitals, I have seen foster cares, shelters. I know that life. I know that nightmare. I know full well that if I ever hit that point of total loss of hope I would myself prefer to send my child on to god than ever let the system touch her as I was touched.
There is no love, no hope in that. I will concede that there just may be a family or two out there that are worthy of holding the title of foster parent. There are people in the system who care, for a time at least. Till they grow weary and see that nothing ever changes. So how could I ever leave my child to a system where I know first hand what happens? When I have seen the adopted child being molested, foster parents addicted to heroine, alcoholics, who smoke pot with you? When I know first hand a judge telling you that family is the best, has the highest success rate? Yes some of these are my memories, my nightmares and again I will ask, how could I ever leave my child to that world?
Now, what would happen if we as a nation stood up and said enough?
For over 9 months I have taken care of my young child all by myself. Occasionally I have been lucky enough to spend a few hours out while she visits an evening care in our area. Yet at eight dollars an hour I can not afford this often. Not even just once a month.
So what of other parents out there like me? What of the ones that have less than I do? Are they to never have a break? Is there no one to help? Mothers are not machines, we are human. We are vulnerable to despair, depression, sadness as much as the next person. Yet we do not have the luxury of falling apart do we? We have to hold it all in and take and take without so much as one person ever giving a helping hand.
Yes I think it is a shame in our day and age that so many broken families exist. That marriages are treated more like a leasing a car than a lifetime commitment, but it is reality. There are single parents left without a soul to turn to for help. There are those that lose faith.

Not everyone is strong enough to take it and take it.

I am one voice of discontent. I am one mother. I am an American. Do I not deserve some respect for all I do? When did it become acceptable for society to discard me? When did it become acceptable to you?

My heart aches for the families destroyed. I disagree with the choices these mothers have made. Yet I can see how it happens when we are surrounded by a society that no longer cares about the people. When our nation has become only a nation of hunger,greed, war and power. We no longer remember we were supposed to be a nation for the people by the people. We no longer recall what family is.

I am an American. I love what my country was built to stand for, I only wish that it actually did. I wish those that support the war, support our soldiers would remember there are battles fought here at home everyday and everyday they are lost. So this is my voice, speaking out against the nightmare I continually see surrounding and growing at that. I am a New Yorker who watched the country come together on September 11th 2001 and after. I watched it all fade away. I watched as slowly the flags went down. Do we only know unity under tragedy?

We blame the mothers. We curse the families. Yet I wonder, do any of you ever feel the guilt of what if? What if maybe you extended a hand of friendship? Maybe you could have made a difference. Just maybe that is my point. Perhaps we all could make a difference, if only we tried.

I am in a foul mood. Point blank and simple.
I am not good at not getting what I want.
It pisses me off.
Change the tact and nothing shook loose.

So I guess...I accept. I will be pissy, but I will accept, forget, fade the dream back into the dark and let it rest awhile longer.

Do not try to take from me what can not be given, but notice when something becomes offered that rarely is.

Worth. We all know inside what our worth is.

Do not think for a moment that I do not know mine.

moments of woe....aye..they keep hitting me every now n again. sux.

Though I am having happy joy joy moments as well...bikes, cool bars, cool new friends...sigh..yes..all very yummy.

Must keep in mind what does not fit, would never fit....in that I hold on to my convictions. trying to at least...sigh...

Taurus
April 19 - May 19
There is much on your mind today, dear Taurus. Over the last three weeks you have analyzed your relationships on a deep and profound level. New people, with attractive new qualities, may be tempting you to make a change. But is this a good time in your life to start up new friendships or love relationships? Are you willing to accept the upheaval such a change would create? These are some worthwhile questions to ask yourself.

Taurus
April 19 - May 19
One whiff of a familiar scent is likely to send your imagination running wild, dear Taurus. Perhaps you are suddenly whisked back to years ago when you were on a date with someone you adored. Once your imagination starts running, it may be difficult for you to slow it down. Your own fantasy world is likely to be the safest place for you to hide, so don't feel bad about running away from reality. Keep on playing in the past if this is really where you'd rather be today.

Just had the cops knocking on my door again...wanting to know if I saw what happened between the chick and the guy that bought the house next to me...sigh...the drama never ends does it!

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)

Last week you may have been frustrated when things didn't go your way, but now it seems as if the pendulum is swinging in the other direction. Today, however, you aren't as sure of yourself and you are uncharacteristically willing to float along and just see what happens. Don't judge yourself harshly because you are considering a change of plan. Trust your intuition over the facts.


*Oddly enough I am just sorta floating, may not seem like it, but I am..*

Taurus
April 19 - May 19
Your natural sensitivity and compassion is given a powerful impetus forward today by strong feelings of love and affection for everyone around you, dear Taurus. Therefore you're likely to be on the giving and receiving end of a lot of expressions of affection, both overt and subtle. Your significant other should be feeling especially romantic toward you, so relax and let him or her shower you with attention! Children could also prove a powerful source of support.

Taurus
April 19 - May 19
Your interests in certain off-the-wall topics may be encouraged, dear Taurus, when you find yourself engaged in a conversation with someone who shares similar thoughts. Perhaps you find yourself exchanging ideas about UFO's and life on other planets. Suddenly you are looking at your whole life as if you were a character in a science-fiction novel. Exchange books and other literature with those who have their mind on the same page. You may not be the only one who thinks there is a conspiracy against them.